A Moms thoughts and thanks
Eric has wanted me to post an update for days now, but I have been reluctant to do so. The reasons for my hesitancy are hard to put into words. The past 6 weeks have been so very difficult, both emotionally and physically draining. Mostly, though, I think my resistance to blogging about Emma has been due to anxiety and fear.
I still find it hard to talk about Emma without crying. I'm so very scared for her. I wonder how long it will take before my heart doesn't leap into my throat whenever our phone rings, fearing it is the NICU calling. Going to visit her at the hospital is especially stressful for me. It is hard to see her, so tiny and frail, hooked up to the various monitors and leads and wires. My arms ache to hold her close, but we can't even really touch her due to her fragile state. Although she has been doing relatively well, with only the 'expected-for-her-very-premature-state' complications, I'm still afraid to be hopeful and optimistic. We had so much bad news during my hospital stay and every time we hoped/prayed for something positive, our hopes were dashed. Now, each time we speak to the staff at the NICU, we're reminded of how precarious Emma's health is. Even a report of a positive development/stable night is prefaced by "these are still early days and she has a long, hard road ahead of her..." It constantly feels as though I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and to be confronted by more devastating news...
Having said that, it is getting somewhat easier as days go by. Emma is a week old today and, thankfully, is holding her own. While we still can't be confident about her future/survival, I hope that as she gets stronger I will be more comfortable reporting on her condition here.
I also wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their good wishes, support, and prayers. I can't begin to tell you how much they have meant to us.
Thank you all,
I still find it hard to talk about Emma without crying. I'm so very scared for her. I wonder how long it will take before my heart doesn't leap into my throat whenever our phone rings, fearing it is the NICU calling. Going to visit her at the hospital is especially stressful for me. It is hard to see her, so tiny and frail, hooked up to the various monitors and leads and wires. My arms ache to hold her close, but we can't even really touch her due to her fragile state. Although she has been doing relatively well, with only the 'expected-for-her-very-premature-state' complications, I'm still afraid to be hopeful and optimistic. We had so much bad news during my hospital stay and every time we hoped/prayed for something positive, our hopes were dashed. Now, each time we speak to the staff at the NICU, we're reminded of how precarious Emma's health is. Even a report of a positive development/stable night is prefaced by "these are still early days and she has a long, hard road ahead of her..." It constantly feels as though I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and to be confronted by more devastating news...
Having said that, it is getting somewhat easier as days go by. Emma is a week old today and, thankfully, is holding her own. While we still can't be confident about her future/survival, I hope that as she gets stronger I will be more comfortable reporting on her condition here.
I also wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their good wishes, support, and prayers. I can't begin to tell you how much they have meant to us.
Thank you all,
posted by Laurie at 23:30
8 Comments:
I hope posting this entry has made you feel somewhat better. Sometimes it can be good to get things off your chest. I thought you wrote what you felt beautfully.
You guys are doing wonderfully well just taking each day as it comes. We're all out here cheering for you.
Forgot the "i" in beautifully. Don't have spell-check on this thing. Grrr.
So nice to hear from YOU Laurie. I think your thoughts are completely understandable given the precarious situation you are in right now. I am simply amazed at how well little Emma is doing. She must know of the great things to come in your family and is anxious to joing you all at home :~)
Laurie, when I even try to imagine what you're going through, it makes me cry. I understand your fear and I hope and pray it's unfounded. Emma is doing so well and we continue to pray for her and for you.
It's wonderful that she is taking breast milk and that you have that link to her. I hope that you will be able to hold her soon because I'm sure that will help you both grow stronger.
Big hugs,
I am in tears trying to comprehend what you are going thru right now. It is so nice to hear from you, and I can only hope that sharing 'outloud' your feelings can help you get thru these difficult times. Emma is one week old!!! That in itself speaks enough - for now. You are doing a great job, better than I ever would. Hugs and prayers to you all.
Laurie, my heart and tears go out to you and little Emma. I cannot imagine the strength it takes you to get through something like this. One week and two days is a testament to how strong she is. It's nice to hear from you, I hope your optimism grows each day as Emma's strength grows each day. Hugs to you and your family.
Donna
Laurie
I hear you and after reading this I wanted to jump in my van and race up to your house and give you one of the biggest Hugs I'm able to. I never went thorugh anything like that. BUT I do remember all the other babies that were in NICU while Nathan was there. It was hard to see.
I will keep praying for all of you. Emma is a fighter and will always be.
Hugs
Sharon
Laurie, My heart goes out to you. I cannot even imagine how you are feeling with regards to posting about Emma, as I feel I would be the same. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers and pray that every day Emma just gets stronger and stronger.
Anna
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